cirericire

我曾做過這樣的夢。
                                                                               
                                                                               
夢境是黑白。
                                                                               
我是個小孩。
                                                                               
家境是貧窮。不，更正。
                                                                               
是赤貧。
                                                                               
                                                                               
家中有一個很漂亮的，很大而堅實的檀木櫃子。
                                                                               
也不知道是書櫃還是衣櫃。
                                                                               
裡面不知道裝什麼。
                                                                               
爸爸不讓我們打開。
                                                                               
                                                                               
就算家裡很窮，但我們家還是有一個這樣的檀木櫃。
          
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
漸漸的，家裡實在沒有東西可以吃了。
                                                                               
我們都骨瘦如柴，面黃肌瘦。
                                                                               
爸爸的神色一天比一天深鎖，是凝重。
                                                                               
                                                                               
媽媽則一天比一天消瘦。 手腕兒堪堪盈握。細柴一隻。
(夢到這裡我從未懷疑夢境與現實的巨大歧異。)
(稍稍認識我媽的人都能心領神會。)
(她在現實生活中，比較形似的動物是土撥鼠。)
(但在這個夢中她就是那樣的，形消影瘦而我從未懷疑。)
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
有一天，爸爸給了媽媽一個眼色。
                                                                               
那個眼色的意思是: 時候到了。
                                
                                                                               
媽媽神色戚然而悽然。
                                                                               
媽媽像是根火柴棒，虛弱的拍拍我們的頭。
                                                                               
說: "要乖乖的。" 我們每一個的頭。 輕輕的拍。
                                                                               
她穿著一件黑色的紗。
                                                                               
像是一個夜晚的仙女。
                                                                               
                                                                               
她走向那個高貴光滑而神秘的檀木櫃子。
                                                                               
                                                                               
轉頭。
                                                                               
眼睛是笑。
                                                                               
哀傷而不捨的，諒解而無力的。
                                                                               
笑著 她的眼睛。
                                                                               
檀木門闔上了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
媽媽進去了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
"走吧。" 爸爸說。
                                                                               
                                                                               
奇怪的是我們都不懷疑這句話的正確性。
                                                                               
既沒有目的地也沒有主詞。
                                                                               
誰該走了呢?
                                                                               
又要去哪裡呢?
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
爸爸說， "走吧。"

                                                                               
原來檀木櫃子背後有兩條像是書包的背帶。
                                                                               
                                                                               
背在背上，剛剛好。
                                                                               
                                                                               
檀木櫃看來沉重。 卻意外的好輕。
                                                                               
                                                                               
就算媽媽在裡面，還是好輕。
                                                                               
爸爸一下子就背起來，說:
                                                                               
"走吧。"
                                                                               
                                                                               
我們都走了。
                                                                               
---
           
                                                                               
路途並不遙遠。
                                                                               
                                                                               
目的地則不言而喻。
                                                                               
途中我也背了一陣。
                                                                               
媽媽在裡面。她在。 可是好輕。
                                                                               
我感到她輕輕撫摸木櫃的內壁，好像在摸我的後腦杓。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
淚一直掉。
                                                                               
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
山路。
                                                                               
沿途清翠而陰涼。

                                                                               
路直指山頂。
                                                                               
                                                                               
山頂是個垃圾場。
                                                                               
                                                                               
有數以萬計的塑膠袋和廢棄物，電視和冷氣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
還有很多的櫃子。
                                                                               
檀木的櫃子。樟木的櫃子，檜木的，
                                                                               
紅色的，淡黃的。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
每個櫃子都在。
                                                                               
都在隱隱震動。

                                                                               
隱隱有人，似乎。
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
背後傳來媽媽隔著木板壁的悶悶的聲音:
                                                                               
"這裡就行了。放下來吧。"
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
我們放下了櫃子。
                                                                               
                                                                               
"別打開，" 媽媽不放心似的，又補了一句。
                                                                               
                                                                               
"別打開。"
                                                                               
                                                                               
---

                                                                               
回家之後，隔壁王太太來找媽媽。
                                                                               
"你媽媽呢?"
                                                                               
(現實生活中的隔壁，太太既不姓王，也根本不在台灣。)
                                                                               
我們都不知道該說什麼。
                                                                               
"ㄟ 你們家的那個檀木櫃呢?"
                                                                               
王太太好像什麼都不知道的窮追猛問。
                                                                               
                                                                               
我們都不知道該說什麼。
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
"誰啊?"
                                                                               
樓上傳來一串銀鈴般的悅耳，悅耳的銀玲。

我們都不知道該說什麼。
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
"誰啊?"
                                                                               
樓上傳來一串銀鈴般的悅耳，悅耳的銀玲。
                                                                               
輕盈的步伐，走了下來。
                                                                               
                                                                               
(此時夢中的畫面全黑，)
                                                                               
(漆黑中閃動著新細明體:)
                                                                               
(媽媽回來了...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
我睜開了雙眼。