cirericire

我曾經做過這樣的夢:
                                                                               
                                                                               
我在挖地道。
                                                                               
很長，很難挖。狹窄而深遠的地道。
                                                                               
兩邊是斑剝是塵土。長長的，
                                                                               
肉色的地道。
                                                                               
地道內沒有燈光，隱隱從兩邊透出暗暗的紅色光芒。
                                                                               
                                                                               
地道的壁很硬，我得挖出一條路。
                                                                               
但其實我是迷途的，我並不知道 向前挖和向左邊挖的正確區別。
                                                                               
挖過的通道是長而悠暗的，廢土堆積在身後，漸漸累成新的堅實。
                                                                               
                                                                               
迷失了方向，前後左右甚至上下，地心引力若有似無。
                                                 
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
(著急。
                                                                               
緊張，喘大氣。
                                                                               
全身上下。
                                                                               
面紅耳赤，心跳居高不下。
                                                                               
體內很脹。
                                                                               
很脹。全身脹破愈裂。
                                                                               
下腹部很脹，腸道。
                                                                               
腸道尤其脹。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
我用力一敲，側方的肉色斑駮。
                                                                               
破裂。

                                                                               
(下腹部忽然一陣劇痛。)
                                                                               
整個地道忽然。地洞山搖。彷彿有生命的一條長蛇。
                                                                               
(劇痛。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
再一敲，牆壁應聲破裂，一個恰能容我通過的窄洞。
                                                                               
洞外則是更悠遠的漆黑。
                                                                               
(更加的劇痛。)
                                                                               
敲完的半秒後，地道再次劇烈的動搖，震動!
                                                                               
(蠕動?)
                                                                               
牆壁內陳舊的管線似乎被我驚醒了，一敲之下。
                                                                               
破碎的管線噴出無以名之的大量水液。
            
                                                                               
在昏暗的光源下，無法辨別種類成分。
                                                                               
(光源是暗紅?)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
出其狹，才通人。
                                                                               
洞外是更深遠的黑暗(方才說過了)。
                                                                               
"有人嘛?"
                                                                               
一望無際的遠處傳來陣陣回聲。
                                                                               
(下腹的劇痛持續。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
這裡是哪裡?
                                                                               
我是從某個陳舊的古墓裡逃出生天?
                                                                               
                                                                               
還是某個失敗的地下工程?
                                                                               
剛剛的地道是哪裡?
                                                                               
現在的空曠幽闃又是哪裡?
                                                                               
(為什麼我的肚子那麼痛啊?)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
遠處有
緩慢的長河
，看不見在流動。
河面閃閃，也是暗紅。
                                                                               
                                                                               
傾耳細聽。
                                                                               
遠處的天際傳來。
                                                                               
緩慢的雷鳴。
           
                                                                               
(不，那不是雷鳴。)
                                                                               
緩慢的，規律的，像是老石磨在哀鳴。
                                                                               
像是一個週而復始的，
                                                                               
(一個幫浦?)
                                                                               
像一個老人有力的在打一個陳舊的鼓。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
定睛望去，
                                                                               
遠處隱隱看出山脈。
                                                                               
一道緩和的曲線，是黑暗和暗紅的分界。
                                                                               
腳下是一道道的錯綜複雜盤根糾結的路。
                                                                               
也透著暗紅。
               
                                                                               
(手捧著下腹部，得咬牙才能生出大耐力。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
它們，山脈，天際，道路，暗紅，
                                                                               
配合著規律的雷鳴，規律的，
                                                                               
上下，緩緩，下上，緩緩。
                                                                               
彷彿在
                                                                               
(呼吸?)
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
我知道答案了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
這裡是哪裡，剛剛那裡是哪裡，
                                                                               
以及我是什麼。

                                                                               
(下腹部的糾結，陣陣。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
這裡的暗紅，方才的隧道。
                                                                               
現在的雷鳴和整個環境的緩緩律動，
                                                                               
都告訴我，這裡是哪裡。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
原來。
                                                                               
                                                                               
我就在我自己裡面啊。
                                                                               
(原來，我自己裡面有我啊。)
                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                              
(方才的雷鳴是規律的鼓，是週而復始的幫浦，是心跳。)
                                                                               
(遠處的山巒，腳下盤根錯節的暗紅道路，血管與肌肉。)
                                                                               
(它們的緩緩律動，配合著鼓聲，彷彿在呼吸。)
                                                                               
("彷彿"是個贅詞。它們真的在呼吸，因為我正在呼吸。)
                                                                               
(長河是血脈。緩緩流向被需要的地方。)
                                                                               
(方才的隧道是我自己的腸道漫長而無邊際。)
                                                                               
(壁上的斑駁是皺摺。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
---
                                                                               
                                                                               
我打量這個屬於我自己的肉色新天地。
                                                                               
是"我"ㄟ。
            
 
                                                                               
原來這就是我啊。
                                                                               
原來我的體內好空曠。
                                                                               
原來，我的體內，和從外面看來，
                                                                               
好不一樣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
(興步走走，四處逛逛吧。)
                                                                               
                                                                               
真的好不一樣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
原來大腿比外面看起來要細很多，
                                                                               
比頭髮還要細。
                                                                               
                                                                               
手指則沒有一根是細的，

                                                                               
它們都比腿粗的多。
                                                                               
我從左走到右，再從右走到左，